unsure.
i’m still not sure if i’m quitting, but i wanted to write about something serious (ie. not very tumblr-worthy except in passing) so i picked here. there’s a pro.
i think that i have cyclothymia.
you: what?
cyclothymia is a very-difficult-to-type disorder that is often defined as a mild form of bipolar disorder. actually, here’s what wikipedia says:
Cyclothymia is mood disorder that causes mild hypomanic and depressive episodes.
now i know a bunch of you are thinking “person x faked depression jess is totally doing the same to get attention.”
i’m not. i’m not even sure i have it. i think i might. if i wanted attention, i’d list that as a contributing factor, but i’m not so shallow as to fake it.
so this is more of a self-help post, but who cares?
the major symptoms of hypomania are:
Unusually good mood or cheerfulness (euphoria); Extreme optimism; Inflated self-esteem; Poor judgment; Rapid speech; Racing thoughts; Aggressive or hostile behavior; Being inconsiderate of others; Agitation; Increased physical activity; Risky behavior; Spending sprees; Increased drive to perform or achieve goals; Increased sexual drive; Decreased need for sleep; Tendency to be easily distracted; Inability to concentrate.
yeah, i’m bolding the ones that apply.
for the depressive phase:
Difficulty making decisions; problems concentrating; poor memory recall; guilt; self-criticism; low self-esteem; pessimism; self-destructive thinking; continuously feeling sad; apathy; hopelessness; helplessness; irritability; quick temper; lack of motivation; social withdrawal; appetite change; lack of sexual desire; self-neglect; fatigue or insomnia
so, you probably see why i’m thinking this.
granted, all that bolding only applies to the last two months, and while i’m told that a single hypomaniac episode is enough for diagnosis, i was also told that symptoms should last for one year (each phase can be a few days to a few weeks) so i don’t know what to do.
also i was considering depression, but this seemed more accurate.
to read up on cyclothymia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia#Symptoms
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hiatus.
i’m taking a break.
there’s stuff going on.
i don’t really want to explain it.
but i really need a break.
maybe blogging isn’t even something i want to do anymore, but i don’t want to make a snap decision. so i’ll be back in like a week.
i love you all <3
-jess.
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post.
trauma. partum. mortem.
i thought we could use a post.
dev’s here, she slept over.
if i could erase or redo a night of my life, it would be june 23rd 2009.
if i could wish for something and have it come true, it would be reconcilation.
if i could break someone’s jaw right now, it would be his.
find the common thread.
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boys.
are stupid. stupidstupidstupid.
The word stupid looks stupid now too.
Why am I so stupid?
Sigh. The movies were fun.
BUT HE IS SO FUCKING STUPID IT’S NOT EVEN FUCKING FUNNY. FUCK.
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srsbsns.
I have some serious things to say.
Firstly, watch this. I love them <3
Secondly, I think that the thumbs-up feature on Youtube is much more convenient than the 5 star rating system. I never used to rate videos.
Thirdly, you guys know that one of my pet peeves is people who can’t admit they’re wrong, right(STFU JAMESON. The one time you won an argument against me, it was because I admitted I was wrong.), or are out to get you? Okay. Just making that clear.
Finally, for my Family Studies project, I want you guys to tell me what you think about me! I’m going to add it to one of the pages, but I’ll keep it confidential if you want =|
Besides, you can always formspring.me!
Hm. Someone’s hating on me there. Issues.
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analysis.
I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
I just checked and I have 6 drafts that are outdated so I can’t post them =| I kind of gave up halfway. Sorry, guys!
Today I have a bit of time, so I thought I’d do something fun!
Last night, I was…
i was i was.
I was bored waiting for my dad to bring dinner home, so I decided to perform an experiment.* I wanted to see how Bieber fangirls would react to me annoying them.
* blatant lie
The tweet I first replied to was to a Bieber Fan Site, which is now a locked account (took a page out of my book, did they?). Anyways, I do believe the tweet I initially responded to said something like, “If you don’t like Justin Bieber, you have no life.” And, naturally, I have a perfectly good reason to display false anger, so I reply and say, “Beliebers have no lives.”
The rest of the conversation with them goes as follows (analysis comes after):
BieberWorldJDB: yeah. ok. beliebers have no life. so tell me why i have 19,000 followers (BIEBER FAN SITE) & u have 16? @xxsemisane
xxsemisane: because i just unlocked my account after having it locked for a year? :/
xxsemisane: and also, having less followers means i waste less of my life on twitter than you. nice try.
BieberWorldJDB: ok. well that doesnt mean just cuz ur a JB hater, you have a life. @xxsemisane you actually NEED a life. this hating is getting old. Kthanks
BieberWorldJDB: @xxsemisane or it just mean people love justin bieber & wanna support him. you nice try bitch. stfu
Okay. So, first of all, it’s perfectly logical that a website would have more followers than a regular user, no matter how stupid the content of the website.
Secondly, have these people considered the ratio of the number of people who are genuinely interested in their tweets vs. the number of people who only followed them because they have the word “bieber” in their username?
Learn to use the reply feature. Username before tweet. Even if you were trying to expose me, there are so many ways you could have been more subtle about it.
Having been on Twitter for over a year now, I know that the amount of followers you have depends heavily on how often you tweet. I may have 19000 tweets, but since I spent a lot of time with my account locked, I didn’t gain many followers. I could have deleted followers, and if I’d accepted every request I’ve ever had for someone to follow me, I’d have quite a few followers. I didn’t expect you to know this, but you could easily have guessed. Critical Thinking. Learn it. Use it. Apply It. Thus, you must tweet more often than me, meaning you don’t have a life.
And I must confess that I was trolling. Therefore the whole “you need a life thing” becomes invalid. And I never did say that hating Justin meant I had a life(but, of course, I do). This obsession is getting old.
Finally. Your grammar. Go take a grade one English class.
Sorry that the criticism was so long o.o Didn’t mean for it! The next person didn’t reply to mah tweet =|
julieveilleux @xxsemisane wow! your lame! your just jealous your not as popular!
Xxsemisane: @julieveilleux =/ I honestly have no desire to be popular.
Okay, well, if I wanted to be popular, I would actually try and do something. I would go on Youtube and try to make it (which, let’s face it, is horridly unrealistic). I haven’t. So being jealous would be illogical. And it’s true, I don’t want to be popular or famous. Too much pressure.
And then there was one of them retweets, which I won’t bother with.
Next, a conversation from…well someone who kind of made sense, but I was a troll, remember? And some of what they said WAS stupid.
Chelseygallegos: @xxsemisane not trying to judge you but quit talking shit. your wasting your breath. nothing you say will make us stop liking @justinbieber.
Xxsemisane: @chelseygallegos Look. I have NO problem with people who like Justin Bieber. But some JB fans are seriously out of hand.
Chelseygallegos: @xxsemisane yeah i know what you mean. he’s like their idol though. you have to understand.
What do I care if he’s their idol? He’s not mine! I don’t go attacking every single hate comment on Panic! At The Disco or Hayley Williams or whoever. And I need to quit talking shit? Are these followers hypocrites or what? All they ever do is tweet that if someone isn’t in love with Justin Bieber they need to go do something very dirty or drive off a cliff(which, remember, is how it started). And I can’t say the opposite? Double freakin’ standard much?
Oh, and I’m seriously not trying to be mean here, but her display picture scared me =|
Then I replied to someone awesome, but I’m not going into that ‘cause it’s not that important. (If you’re interested in the awesome person, check out I_R_Troll)
Now we get into the two longer convos…for my analysis, I’m just going to interrupt the conversation. I didn’t bother pasting in the usernames of the people actually tweeting, sorry :(
Convo #1
@xxsemisane NO you have no life. #wesupportandlovebieber <– this says it all! Ur just a @justinbieber hater so you’ll fade away.
WTF? Fade Away? This isn’t Kingdom Hearts, sweetie. Besides, what the hell are you trying to prove?
@CelineGarmo …fade away? damn, i’m hurt.
@xxsemisane K COOOOL. get a life & stop hating on bieber.
@CelineGarmo K cooooooool. friends are out, hour to kill, you’re only fuelling my entertainment.
@xxsemisane learn how to spell. & you make no sense joke. stop tweeting for the better. Because @justinbieber OWNS Twitter get used to it.
@CelineGarmo ooh, typo, fml, i’m gonna go commit suicide. “you make no sense joke” wanna learn about grammar?
Yes, I realized that “you make no sense joke” meant “you make no sense, joke” but see how commas work? And I’m not going to “stop tweeting for the better” I joined Twitter because I wanted to, and you joined twitter because of Justin Bieber. I’ve been on Twitter longer than Bieber’s been famous. Why don’t I own Twitter? Why doesn’t Caulin own Twitter? And, bitch, please, I’m not one to “get used to” things that anger me.
@xxsemisane & you have problems.
@CelineGarmo YOU’RE the one making irrelevant personal attacks, not me.
@xxsemisane because YOU said belieBers have no life, but it’s the opposite hun bieber haters have NO llife.
Does nobody realize that the first tweet was an attack on haters? NOBODY?!
@CelineGarmo I said that because one of the fansite twitters randomly said haters had no life. So it’s not like I started it.
@xxsemisane because u don’t bye.
@CelineGarmo you’re mature…. Goodbye :)
@xxsemisane I’m actually very mature.. Don’t hate.
You’re mature? Could’ve fooled me. If you’re going to say you’re mature, back it up.
@CelineGarmo well seeing as you’re telling me to get a life and calline me a joke when you don’t know me, I’d say otherwise.
@xxsemisane when u tell beliebers we have no life were obviously gonna say something. We love @justinbieber if u don’t like it that’s to bad
OMG DUMBASS.
@CelineGarmo when an unprovoked fan tells haters they have no life(that’s where I came in) we’re obviously going to retaliate. You lose.
@xxsemisane Not in it to win. Im standing up for beliebers & @justinbieber just stop replying ur not worth it HATER #wesupportandlovebieber
I hate this about people. They argue with you and tell you to shut up, but they won’t either. Like, WTF is that?
@CelineGarmo if I’m not worth it then why do YOU keep replying? And if you’re trying to defend, you’re doing a poor job.
@xxsemisane I’m actually not. I have my opinion & u have urs. I don’t care for u. & trying to sound older doesn’t get to me, so chill.
Oh, my, this girl needs a slap. “Trying to sound older?” What does that even mean? And if you don’t care for me, why are you continuing to get mad at me? If you have to resort to telling someone else you’re good at defending, you’re not.
@CelineGarmo This is how I talk, sorry our generation is so degraded that I’m “trying to sound older.” it’s better than your hypocrisy.
@xxsemisane k.
I love this. She just shut up. I swear.
Convo #2
@xxsemisane no having less followers means that your stupid and nobody likes you! ha you need a lifee
@Sabbrinaaa Ha maybe you do. How does having less followers make me stupid?
Hm, perhaps I have friends off twitter who like me? I do, right?
@xxsemisane bc that means nobody likes you, and your worth shhit
Wait. That makes me stupid? I’m worth shit because I don’t have a ton of followers? Last I checked Twitter wasn’t even that popular a platform. So no. And just because you don’t like me, doesn’t mean nobody else does.
@Sabbrinaaa no, it means I unlocked my Twitter account recently. Critical thinking, learn it.
@xxsemisane yeah so the hell what, i had my acc protected for like ALONG TIME! and i have wayy more than 16 followers. so stfu !
WHAT THE HELL IS “ALONG TIME?” so did I. You probably unlocked it longer ago than I had, and probably accepted any request with the word “Bieber” in it.
@Sabbrinaaa -.-” has it occurred to you that the number of Followers I have proves nothing? Why don’t you STFU?
@xxsemisane bc i dont have to little girl
@Sabbrinaaa neither do I.
@xxsemisane yeah you do
Again with the double standard crap? Why do I have to shut up, and she doesn’t?
@Sabbrinaaa Why? What makes you more special than me? If I don’t shut up, is @Justinbieber going to sing me to death?
@xxsemisane haha yes he is i hope u diee
@Sabbrinaaa wow. You’re seriously wishing death to someone because they have a different opinion than you? Grow up.
@xxsemisane yes i seriously am, haa i wish death to you! mhm, and i am grown sweetie, why dont you grow up
@Sabbrinaaa death is a serious thing, and if you’re immature enough to wish someone you don’t know dead, you sure as hell aren’t grown.
@xxsemisane than im not grown; now go die :)
I seriously, legitimately(you say legit I will set Bieber on you!) have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that.
And that’s it for Bieber!
Conclusion: Justin Bieber fans are annoying and obsessive and don’t know a troll when they see one =]
Also, my mother’s being…well. I borrowed a book from her, and she asked where it was, and I was pretty sure it was in my backpack. So I said that. Then I realized it was in my Family Studies cupboard at school, so I said that. Now my mom’s bitching at me about lying. And she told my dad that I only admitted that when she told me to go get it. I don’t know what the hell her problem is. She always adds in snippets of conversation that never happened.
Finally, read this:
I know the guy’s sister. Well, I don’t know her, but I know who she is.
And that’s all for now, guys, nice posting again <3
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fairytale.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
And she was pretty sure she had bipolar disorder, multiple personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, anti-social personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and a whole bunch of other crap she couldn’t be bothered to search up.
And the girl had friends. She had a sister, a little nerd sister, a boyophobe, a short and annoying ninja-cat, a musician type, a shy quiet neighbour, an evil matchmaker, a random almost-schizo type, and a sometimes really annoying but still mostly cool friend. Then, the girl went to a new school with the ninja-cat and the mostly cool friend and she made some new friends, like the insecure overachiever, the anime fangirl bananaphobe, the overly idealistic poser who wasn’t really her friend but she may as well be included in the list, the game loser(the girl apologizes for that), the satirist who brought cards to school every day, the long lost friend from sixth grade, the melodramatic athlete, the ninja monkey(not to be confused with the ninja cat), the idiot hockey player who she hated 90% of the time but may as well include, and a bunch of people the girl couldn’t even remember without opening her Failbook.
To these people, the girl felt that she was a reality checker, because she tended to associate herself with perfectionists and smart people who had fairly masochistic tendencies.
The girl had her enemies, but she didn’t care for them when she told her story.
The girl was a self dubbed geek, because she watched anime and read manga and played video games and read fanfiction (because she knew the creators on the franchise were being hesitant about adding in romance) and had a profile on a million different social networking websites(but not myspace, never the atrocity that was myspace) even though her parents didn’t entirely approve of it and once told her that her being online constantly must be a sign that she was being cyberbullied, but she pointed out how stupidstupidstupidwrong that was and they moved on, mostly.
The girl was rather a fan of run-on sentences.
And she wasn’t too spectacular, in her opinion, but that was her life.
One day, the girl started feeling a little lethargic, and bored, and she was lonely with her companions out on vacation, and she started feeling a little bit down on herself.
And she really had no idea why.
So she started making useless posts on her blog when she really should have started doing her homework.
HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS WRONG WITH ME.
I seriously think I have some sort of undiagnosed mental issue, ’cause suddenly I feel like crap and no amount of ice cream is gonna fix that.
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ambiguity.
Once I read this book and in it there was this guy.
And the lead character found him absolutely irritating. And the reason she found him so annoying (there were quite a few, actually) was because he was quiet and brooding and mysterious and he wouldn’t stop sweating and it was seriously disgusting and he cornered her in an attic and got her into some awkward situations and he apparently had anti-social personality disorder so she was at a serious risk just being around him and he was the adoptive brother of the guy she liked and when he talked he would only tell half the story just to make her angrier because now she needed answers to questions she didn’t originally have.
And then to make things worse she found out he was a werewolf and she was a necromancer.
And then, because life hated her, the author made a sequel and in it she started liking the guy along with the insanely cute brother and she didn’t know what to do.
But it was a good story, I promise.
(and, no, this story has nothing to do with me, guys.)
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hopeless.
I posted this on deviantART, and I’m kinda sorta wallowing about it, so I apolomagize, first of all.
But holy crapsticks, I’m turning into a hopeless romantic.
Evidence
Exhibit A: Click.
Exhibit B: Click.
EEP! I’m going freaking crazy.
Um, so, in other news…
…I saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday =]
Derek found all the Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus on his iPod. He said I was killing good songs, but I’d never heard any of them. I went home and listened to a couple. A part of me died. Died.
Cookie Monster really liked the Cheshire Cat, but I thought he was too straightforward.
And so she kept talking about the cat, and while we were waiting for my dad(who went to the wrong theatre, grr.), we got her a cat from the claw machine yay.
And I beat Derek in air hockey(hey, I was happy, I never beat Derek at anything.). Except I lost to Kavita right after, because every single time I scored, she would score in one hit. And then I served as the jinxer when he played Sonia and he was losing and I said “do you want some help, there?” to him and then he scored. I thought it was funny :|
And then my dad came and we went home the end :P
Oh, and when we were going my mom and Sonia kept making stupid jokes about me and Derek.
And then at home she told me she doesn’t want me liking Derek?
And I was like, where is all of this coming from?
Sigh.
Oh, new layout, you like? I liek. It’s clean and pretty simple, but still sleek.
And also, my and a certain person who is on my bus who I hate and you all know who it is had an argument on Failbook last night, and he’s such an idiot and I swear one day someone’s going to snap at him or something and he won’t know what hit him (it won’t be me, but he aggravates people easily, so I can see this happening). And it was like, everyone was against him, so IDK what his problem was.
But yeah, that’s not important.
New layout, hopeless romantic mode. THOSE are important. And, maybe Alice. Maybe.
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